Friday, November 3, 2006

Playa Painting- Expansion

A new take on a well worn symbol. 'Expansion' takes it up a notch, adding  the dimension of evolution
The Ying Yang symbol has always called to me and yet it has always felt like the kitsch of the zen world- overused and trite in its connotations. Not that i didn't at a fundamental level believe in what it represents, of self-creation, of polarities and balance, and of constant flow.
But there's no lesson like the one you teach yourself. And when I came to have a physical interaction with the yin-yang principle, the kind of experience where I fundamentally would from that moment on see the world differently in a way that was encapsulated in the symbol, well, my own use of it would feel more honest. 
There was one unresolved aspect for me- the yin yang signifies flow, but to me it felt encapsulated and in its way stagnant. I added another level when playing with the design that more deeply impacted me after i was able to see it large in my photos. Change, evolution, balance within shifts. Expansion, as in the levels of consciousness discussed by  
 Feeling a deeper respect for the cultures in which i saw this symbol, I thought more about the various ways its represented around the world.

Or perhaps it was my nascent skepticism that kept me from fully probing the raminifacations of what such a symbol represents. Of course part of moving through the skepticism is being honest about what you are experiencing and recognising the phrase of infamy, 'you don't know what you don't know' . And of course what comes with that is the recognition that you can expect to not know everything. Its freeing to aknowledge imperfection. It lets the load off on a big way. And interestingly it doesn't make me feel less driven, so i can only note the difference as the feeling of being under no ones expecatioanl thumbs. The irony is that, of course, i'm creating those expecataions of myself. To recognizse imperfection is to not expect things will be perfect. Strive for what feels right  cause if you're gonna succedd in anything, it'll be whatever draws you.
 What i'm recognizing as i grow older is more the recognition of the ypes of lessons I'll be recieving through my life- that i  have been receiving anyway whether i was listening for them or not. And coupled with being easier going about myself acknowledges that no matter how my life goes, being miserable ain't gonna get me through it with the style with which I should be experiencing my life. 
 so then what? how do i go about that? its the fundamental question ultimately, right? here's your life, hope its good for ya. its pretty brutal how hard that can hit.
Which then brings the question back to myself. What am I doing with this life that I have. Its a question that gnaws at me. I want to work towards the benefit of all. I have to believe that the energy I create and send out into the world will resonate on some level, contributing to the energetic flow in a positive, affirming, reinforcing way. I tried with the Peace Corps. As much as I cared for my work, I felt detached to a certain degree. I feel a detachment with the world, I often feel emotionally empty and then suddenly filled overflowing, but all too often I''m overflowing with defense. I don't undersnd where the feelings come from. So well explains tha subject matter with which I work- I'm not working with a feeling but with something I can clearly percieve. Which is why I suppose staff spinning was so important.
 wow, i just had a sudden thought- I see the importance of getting the vr glasses now- i'll be able to actually paint on the beach. whew- thats a scary one cause i'd be in such new territory and my stuff could stink. i just  can't expect perfection and recognise that there's  leraning curve inheerent in learning any style from beginng to fluid expression. It would motivate painting classe! japanese calligraphy class also. It would allow me to more fluidly and with my body create the shapes. it'd be quite revealing of me to work that way. what a sight that would be- someone expressily creating with the rake

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